Reflections...

I'm sitting here at 11:30pm on my computer...I've got most of the lights on because I'm scared of the dark and scared of being alone. I've got Alicia Keys on the radio which always makes me feel a little better...but just a little bit. Mom and Wes left to go up to NY today to visit Grandma and Randy left with his friends to play some poker. Maddox is gone with his Grandma Tee and Papa tonight before getting ready to head out to the beach tomorrow and Randy and I are going to head to Charlotte to celebrate Mark's birthday before heading down to the beach. Needless to say we have had a busy few weeks...still haven't completely updated all the pictures from Mom, Wes, and Brian's visit yet but I'll get it done this week...I promise. It feels like I just went from 100 to 0 in a few hours but I am not sure if I quite like the feeling...it's almost an empty feeling but at the same time a good time to collect myself and reflect. A cup of green tea and a good book might just do the trick to help me just unwind. It's strange....when there is nothing to do I feel like I HAVE to do something. There is just too much in life that I don't want to miss. Strange...but sometimes when you are too busy with "stuff" you tend to miss more. Things work out so well, it's almost like we have this cosmic pull that makes things fall in to place the way they should be. It feels that way now...for some reason this all feels right. Someone once told me if things are really hard and you have to push things a lot to get it to work and fit for you then it wasn't supposed to happen, but if it just feels natural, comes naturally then it is the way that things are supposed to go. Things just feel right....and that is how things are right now. Sometimes I get scared that things are just too good...my life was never supposed to be this way.....that I don't deserve to be this happy. I just know that everyday I value every single person in our lives and everything that we are able to do. Our family came a long way to get to this point....and the only place left to go is up. Seeing mom this happy really gives me a feeling of peace. It's the first time in a long time that mom really has allowed her beauty to show from the inside out. Wes has been a invigorating force in her life, and I feel the relationship works very well in return. He is a wonderful man with a vigor for life, and mom is too. I guess that is where I get it from...never growing up did I appreciate the people around me for the things that they all taught me. It was hard to realize at the time that the things they were showing me and modeling for me would impact my thoughts and actions for the rest of my life...can't thank them enough. I guess now that through my rambling on I am able to semi decipher that I am mostly feeling very thankful right now. There is never enough time in a day, money in the world, or good politicians out there...but one thing I can count on is that there is always enough love to go around.